The Facebook Relationship

One of my favorite books is The Truth Machine by James Halperin, which details what the future would look like if there was a truth detection device on every person’s wrist that infallibly indicated whether they were telling the truth. Though it may not be worn on our wrist, I think the effect of Facebook achieves the same purpose.

In describing our relationship with relationships on Facebook, people might say “it’s complicated.” However, it seems pretty simple to me.

The truth is, if it’s on Facebook, it’s truth.

Think about it. For instance, everybody knows that it’s not real until it’s on Facebook. So, it’s not really a relationship until it’s proclaimed as such on Facebook. When recently asking a friend about a new love interest, he said they were dating, but weren’t “Facebook serious” yet. It’s a big deal to be serious enough to put it on Facebook. (People not on Facebook need not apply.)

My boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for about four years now, but last year, when we got serious again, we had the DTR (or, “Define The Relationship” for the uninitiated) conversation on the phone.  We determined that we were indeed together, and ultimately decided that Facebook needed to reflect that we were together. So, the conversation ended with him telling me: “Let’s see who gets to Facebook first.”

Similarly, I know that if people are dating somebody and it isn’t quite “Facebook serious” yet, they change your relationship status to reflect the ambiguity. “It’s Complicated” might suffice, or oftentimes, just removing the status completely. My generation is defined as much by what they don’t share as by what they do share.

I have a handful of friends who have gotten married over the least year or so, all of which had updated their Facebook relationship status to reflect “married” before they left for their honeymoon. Sometimes even before they had left their wedding! Obviously, it’s not official until it’s on Facebook.

I wonder if anybody has ever asked someone to marry them via Facebook. You know, like, “This person would like to enter a relationship of marriage with you. Can you confirm that you want to be married to them?” I know that when a couple gets engaged, it shows up on the news feed as something like, “So-and-so have gotten engaged and they would like everybody on Facebook to know!” If Facebook is going to act as the digital engagement announcement, they should at least let you customize the text.

Conversely, you aren’t really broken up unless you’ve broken up on Facebook. (Enter the sad little broken heart icon that shows up on the news feed.) In this case, it just doesn’t feel real until you’ve clicked cancel, and then selected “Single” from the drop-down menu.

Back in the dark ages of Facebook (see also “TheFacebook.com”), I once broke up with a guy via Facebook. I found out later that by ending the relationship on Facebook, my newly exed boyfriend received an email that said, “Melissa Sconyers has canceled your relationship.”

I would assume verbiage for such is a bit more politcally correct now, but I don’t want to find out.

March 3rd, 2009

 

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