Everybody has different measures of success, but I’m only going to talk about the material ones today. For some it’s a house or a nice big salary, for others it’s fame, and for others still it’s a Ferrari or a personal plane.

For me, it’s much simpler than that.

1) Food Acquisition

Acquisition is not preparation. I enjoy cooking, especially with and/or for other people. That part is fun. It’s the going to the grocery store part that I despise.

When I’m intensely focused on something (which is all of the time), I can hardly remember to do normal, human things like, you know, eat. So, when I finally do realize that I’m hungry, food needs to be ready and waiting for me to prepare and promptly consume.

And it’s not just that I can’t be bothered with the acquisition of food. It’s that I am literally incapable of it. Acquiring food is an activity that I find acutely stressful and time-consuming. My life would be significantly better if I didn’t have to do it, and I cannot wait until the day I can afford to pay somebody to do it for me.

2) Laundry

This is another part of life that I know people just have to suck it up and do, but really, honestly, it’s something that I’m largely unable to accomplish.

I think this probably wouldn’t be a big issue if I had an in-house washer/dryer, but I’m not yet at the point in my life where that’s really an option. So, the whole sorting, separating, saving-all-of-your-quarters thing is too much for me to handle. Not to mention desperately hoping somebody doesn’t steal my favorite pair of jeans.

I hate laundry so much that I actually have a persistent personal mission to purchase new pairs of underwear. All the time. Because, really, I have such a ridiculous amount of clothing that I could probably dress myself for like an entire year without even wearing the same thing twice. So, the only time I am actually forced to do laundry is when I run out of clean underwear.

I’m probably up to about a hundred pairs, so currently, I only have to do laundry about once every three months. Score.

3) Chauffeuring

I used to love to drive. I guess I still do, if it’s a pretty day on an open, mostly deserted road. But after getting into a fairly serious car accident a few years ago, I am a much more nervous driver now.

But I still love being driven around in a car. Really. It’s relaxing for me to collect my thoughts and gather myself. Especially after the last two years of riding on public transportation, I crave that feeling of spending some quality alone time with yourself in your own personal bubble of your car, before you have to get on with the day and start interacting with people.

I’m also addicted to the feeling of constant motion and changing scenery. I think this could be contributed to the fact I spent a LOT of time in a motorized swing as a baby, but it’s also a pretty apt metaphor for how I live my life.

In any case, going to the extent of hiring a private driver isn’t really required. I just mainly like to rely on my boyfriend to take over the responsibility of driving and transport me to-and-fro. In return,  I always offer good conversation, great music, and navigation assistance.

* * *

And that’s it. Three stupidly simple things.

Maybe this all sounds trite. To put it into perspective, I probably won’t ever need a secretary or a personal assistant. Because daily life activities like answering email, scheduling meetings, and making phone calls simply do not ever stress me out.

To each their own. I know that those might be the bane of other people’s lives, but they’re not the bane of mine.